we've all been there, THAT shitty break up.
The days in bed, the refusing to move unless it was to get ANOTHER tub of Ben and Jerry's from the freezer, oh and then breaking down when you realise you've eaten all 4 tubs you only bought 2 days ago. It's a right of passage to go through your first break-up, but when you get out of that self termination rut, you feel like a #girlboss and by that point he's moving on to the Ben and Jerry's and watching Match of The Day alone, yeah you don't have us to watch your crappy football matches with anymore, bet you miss us asking about the offside rule as well. If I could help any gal to get over that lingering pain, I would and so I thought I'd run through some of things that I've discovered over the past years...
DO NOT go on their social media, OR THEIR FRIENDS.
This drove me insane, the checking of their, twitter, facebook, instagram for new updates on what they're doing. I was setting myself up to get hurt, you're never going to see anything you like. Plus unless their Insta is fab, the most interesting thing you're going to see is what their having for breakfast, AND then comes the stumbling on to a girls profile of which you are damn sure he's hooking up with, in fact you'll bet your savings, your parents savings and your entire wardrobe on it. So a ranty angry as hell text is sent to your ex which you then immediately regret when you realise that said girl probably lives at the other end of the country, they probably have never spoken and never will. Of course there will be times where they might be hooking up with someone else, but whether you make up scenarios in your head, or they're really happening, they both hurt so don't social hover. This goes for their friends too.
Don't doubt yourself.
He's right, isn't wasn't me, it was him. I started comparing myself to each and every person I thought he was starting to hook up with. Oh she has this, she has that, that's obviously why he broke up with me. This was THE worst thing I could have possibly ever done, you start trying to change yourself in to what you THINK they're looking for. Don't ever doubt yourself, as I'm sure you've all heard one way or another, whoever you're with should love you, for you. SO don't doubt the person you are now, you're as fabulous as ever, it was definitely him, NOT you.
Get angry offline.
Once I got past the crying in to the 5th tub that my Mum had to buy for me, I turned a corner and reached the angry part. This is kinda dangerous because I was the same amount of angry as I was upset before, so out came the vicious comprehensive compiled sentences straaaaaaaight on to Twitter. I don't know if the biggest mistake was the tweets or the 5th tub, but I definitely shouldn't have gone online with it. The likelihood of them or their friends seeing it is high, and whilst that is most probably your aim, you won't feel any better for it. You're giving them the upper hand by letting them be the bigger person, plus it will really make you feel awful when you don't get a response, and you can bet they're all screenshotting it in the group chat so just don't put yourself through that. The sooner I acted like I was moving on, the easier it was.
I seriously wanted to turn the world off, I had no patience to speak to anyone because 'no one would understand'. Trust me, they do. This is one of those times where you'd really struggle to stay a sane human being without your friends/family. I had to be dragged out shopping, seriously, BOY MADE ME NOT WANT TO SHOP WITH MY GALS. I felt so much better after, you start to realise that life really does just keep going, plus grabbing a Starbucks after being bed bound for a while reminds you of what you've been missing.
It can feel like forever until you start to feel like your old self again, but it does happen. Don't feel like an idiot if 'your song' comes on radio and you have mini breakdown, been there done that, in a full car. Just know that it gets better with time.
Photo's by Hannah Driscoll
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